i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You left your phone here
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