would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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