I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
