I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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