He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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