The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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