Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
