I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
