fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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