My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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