I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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