Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
