She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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