Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
