Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
