I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need to stop coming to work sober
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
