There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
