'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
