at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
