I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
