I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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