I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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