At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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