please come you make the beer taste better
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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