I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
