Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
