Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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