i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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