he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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