carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
