I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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