He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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