my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
