Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
