You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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