Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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