i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
