So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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