i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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