Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
