I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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