That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
