i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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