sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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