the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
