wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
