He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Pooping to opera.
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