I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
