guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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