well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
