btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
