if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
