i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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