I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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